On being a childless woman…
In this climate of fear and uncertainty, it is a strange time in the history of the world to even think about having children... or make any kind of long-term plan for that matter. As I approach my forties, and the timespan in which I am able to give birth to a child...
Menstruation Rituals
I don’t remember exactly when and how it shifted. How I changed from seeing my period as a monthly burden to bare - an uncomfortable consequence of having a female body that I found ways to manage, so that I could almost pretend it wasn’t happening - to something that...
Our Ideas about Activism are Outdated
First published by Ecohustler I used to think of ‘activists’ as being people ‘over there’, campaigning and fighting and….well, doing their activist thing, while I could gratefully admire them from the distance. I imagine many of us have felt this way. “At least...
On the shame of having needs…
Living in a world that idolises independence and not needing anything from anyone as 'strong', I think so many of us have grown up with a warped picture of having needs and we are stumbling around in the dark without realising it. I see from myself how a lot of what...
On ‘neediness’
It's so revealing about us collectively, that we have created this word in the English language: "needy". The word is so charged, so loaded with judgement. It's often used an as an insult: being 'needy' is the least cool, least attractive, least desirable way to be or...
On life being traumatic and the myth of normalcy…
We tend to think of trauma as having to do with people who've been to war or suffered terrible abuse in their past. What we don't collectively realise (but I believe are waking up to) is that our basic standard of reality in the current world is trauma-inducing....
On love without attachment…
I've witnessed a lot of people talking about the importance of love without attachment - especially in neo tantra and polyamory scenes - and this is creating what I believe is a lot of spiritual bypassing, shame and misunderstanding. Let's get things in perspective:...
Everything begins with me
Everything begins in my body... What would intimately connecting with others be like if we came from a place of being saturated with the simple yet profound pleasure of feeling at home in our body? What if through our own presence penetrating our cells, turning...
On falling in love and abandoning oneself
There is nothing quite like falling in love to show you where you are abandoning yourself... When we feel disconnected or hurt or resentful because we let our partner cross a boundary, or realise we are manipulating or controlling in order to get love, or ignore what...
On “getting a grip” on Sex
Through the shaming I received around sex growing up, my strategy to feel a sense of ease around it led me to unconsciously battle shame through cultivating a sense that there was nothing I was fazed by. This journey came to a head when I found myself on a porn set in...