I’m so guilty of this. I like to gain people’s trust by writing about my struggles, and yet I still am aware of presenting myself in a good light, where I feel a degree of confidence that people will like what I write. And yet by doing this, I am perpetuating a larger dynamic that plays out in the world of people sugar-coating themselves, presenting an image that is not based on the whole truth, unconsciously spreading “not-enoughness” and the idea that our whole self is not lovable, only certain ‘acceptable’ parts. It reinforces the idea that to be a leader in a field, you have to be infallible and perfect and to be anything less, you are a fraud. And thank god this is not true.
I watch myself in my reactivity, my acting out my childhood wounds, my dysfunctional, addictive habits and I cringe with the possibility of “if only people knew” and at the idea of being a fraud. It’s lonely being a somewhat public figure, a canvas for people’s projections and realising you are encouraging it by your own behaviour. I feel inspired to do the work I do because these are the exact things that I struggle with.