So much has changed in this past year of my cycle enquiry. Not just in my attitude to my cycle and how I live accordingly, but there are some Really Big Changes, that I’ve kept kind of quiet about on here ;)
I’ve gone through so many years of my bleed being a non-event… something to do my best to ignore, and take pain killers when that was not possible. I have been so disconnected from my body and so addicted to my pattern of constant achievement, that I didn’t even notice how my energy levels and entire system and connection to life change during my bleed.
Nowadays I look forward to my bleed, each month trying to deepen my understanding of how to harness the gifts it brings. I have learned so much, and I can only summarise a few points below – there is so much more! – and I warmly invite you to come to my workshop to go deeper (details in comments)
This is some of what I have learned:
*When we bleed, we enter a very potent state. This is our internal winter solstice, the direct opposite pole of ovulation. The archetypal pattern (and everyone is different – as I mentioned previously, it doesn’t matter what anyone tells you, it’s more important to listen to your own body) – is that this is the time in our cycle when the body wants to come into a state of rest, recharge and renewal. When we bleed, we are like a walking embodiment of ritual! There is so much more to share on this topic of how to use bleeds ritually…
*When I listen to what I need during this time, it is to allow myself to experience total surrender to emptiness and non-doing. In this state, our portal to spirit is the most available. This is the time for vision and dream-work and for deep communion with the Self and as you will read below, this has been life-changing for me.
*The symptoms we face during our bleed or any part of our cycle are not a coincidence or something that lies out of our hands, but our body’s direct feedback as to what our current self-care levels are and what in us that lies in the shadows and needs to be addressed. If we feel pain during our bleed, it is our body trying to tell us something – like with all pain!
Several moons ago, I had a bleed with an incredible amount of pain in the middle of the night. This is unusual, because my bleeds nowadays are generally pain-free because I do my best to rest and make myself feel really comfortable and at ease and only experience pain when I’m not taking care of myself. But this time, the pain was unbearable. I asked my body what it was trying to tell me. “What in your life is unbearable?” it asked me. I spent hours that night, gently enquiring, and received the answer… “not belonging anywhere is unbearable. Not having a family is unbearable. Creating spaces for others to enjoy intimacy but not having regular intimacy in my own life is unbearable.”
The next week an intense process kicked off where I realised I needed to face myself and the decisions I was making in life and re-order my priorities. I made the difficult decision to cancel giving a workshop and attending an important event, and decided to spend this month in Portugal, nourishing my connections for this new chapter I am starting here.
I guess this post is me coming out in a way… why I have been so quiet on here and what I’ve been up to.
I’ve fallen in love!
In multiple ways, with multiple people.
And it’s unfolded in quite a wondrous and magical way and all thanks to this work and my womb…
Earlier this year I did a vision quest during my bleed and received a crystal clear vision of a future project and community I wanted to be part of co-creating. A week later I learned that exactly what I had envisioned already existed… and the rest I suppose is history.
So here I am now. It’s not really day 1. I don’t even know what day it is – I lost track because my days are filled with the beauty and challenge of community life…the laughter and chaos of children playing, sun-basking, olive-picking, beach-time, pomegranates, love-making, tenderness and truthfulness. It’s not all roses… but it is my answer to my heart’s deepest prayers and it was my work with my cycle that brought me here, and for this I am in awe <3